You are viewing [info]ant0n33x's journal

   
07:35pm 16/05/2005
  complete again :D  
     

(bang)
 
   
01:26am 10/04/2005
  I just got home from Kim's house and I'm wide awake.

I realized something over there.
You can't run away from you're problems because when reality hits its always gonna be there
I don't know why I even went out this weekend.

fuck dancing
fuck partying		  
     

(bang)
 
Spring break thus far   
10:29pm 29/03/2005
  Well into a week in spring break and I feel i've accomplished little
It's cool partying all the time but i guess it gets repetative real quick.

I've been to Kim's, Geo's, Gavin's, and Lester's houses for little kickbacks.
Same thing pretty much. Hooka, Beer, you know the deal.

Today I went on a tour of SMC with Aquino and I guess I'll be stuck there for two years.
I think its a nice place at least.

Well so little time left and so much to do.

And I guess my little trip won't happen. What a waste.
I must be crazy thinking you'd actually care.

And I got this bad cough, ah I think I'm dying.

Sorry for the boring entry I guess the boredom is getting to me. Enjoy		  
     

(bang)
 
formal   
09:22pm 17/02/2005
  i just got these today. i think they turned out really well


me & rhea


love this picture. theres a story for what happened to everyone later that night.

can't wait for prom.		  
     

(4 shot | bang)
 
   
01:50am 13/02/2005
  yay i learned a new trick from travis involving a cig, a toilet paper roll, and some fabric softener.

weekend...ah i was gonna update but im too drunk yay

trigger & dopey nigga		  
     

(bang)
 
   
06:42pm 18/01/2005
  I know the following has been used a lot but...
Don't make someone a priority if they make you an option

cause i'm an option bitches

so don't show no love to no one
heartless baby

and dances suck		  
     

(1 shot | bang)
 
   
09:10pm 12/01/2005
  Well you could forget that last entry.
I'm just back to the way I was, and i fucking hate it
So I'm changing that

against all odds		  
     

(bang)
 
   
01:23pm 29/12/2004
  the best things aint the shit you can buy

...well thats all
what? you think this was gonna be a long entry?		  
     

(bang)
 
   
01:17pm 12/12/2004
  Went snowboarding yesterday. Yay i was carving
good times with the boys

and i saw 4 shooting stars. im a lucky guy
4 wishes

and the stars in general looked pretty
now gotta buy gifts. k bye		  
     

(bang)
 
   
09:11pm 09/12/2004
  getting ready for christmas and such
you know it just kills me that this might be our last christmas together
we made it through high school but college is different
it sucks cause i see too many little fights amongst us

but hey who am i to complain? i dont even believe in a god no more

but im still buying gifts for people because...well i dont really know
i just like giving to the homies i suppose

working on a paper, getting ready to see my parole officer again, buying gifts, coping with depression, this month is harsh

snowboarding should cheer me up. ciao		  
     

(bang)
 
f hw   
09:56pm 01/12/2004
  taking a break from hw
taken from lauren

I N F O R M A T I O N

i G0 BY - Mendoza
Single or taken: single
Sex: male
Born On - oct 6
Sign: libra
Siblings: 3 bros 1 sis
Hair color: black
Eye color: brown
Height: 5'10

R E L A T I O N S H I P S

Are you straight/bisexual/gay?: straight
You have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: no
How many exes do you have?: 1
What is your longest relationship?: i think 5 months
What was your shortest relationship?: nada

F A S H I O N | S T U F F
Where is your favourite place to shop for clothes: umm banana
Any tattoos or piercings: ear piercing.
Favorite groups?: could you be more specific?
What is your most comfortable outfit?: sweats
What do you usually wear?: button up shirts

S P E C I F I C S

Do you do drugs?: no
What kind of shampoo do you use?: head n shoulders
What are you most scared of?: school
What are you listening to right now: lucy pearl
Who is the last person that called you?: beaner
Where do you want to get married?: somewhere nice, a beach maybe
How many buddies are online right now?: ah i dont wanna check
What would you change about yourself?: my past

F A V O R I T E S

Colors: black, blue, gray
Foods: steak
Girls names: faye, melissa, ah whatever
Boys names: eh
Subjects in school: history
Animals: wolves, koalas,

H A V E | Y O U | E V E R

Given anyone a bath?: no
Bungee jumped?: no
Made yourself throw up?: kinda but not really
Skinny dipped?: no
Ever been in love?: not with who you think
Made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: i dont think so
Pictured your crush naked?: bleh
Actually seen your crush naked?: no
Cried when someone died?: yes
Lied: how ridiculous
Fallen for your best friend?: damn quiz
Been rejected?: yes
Rejected someone?: yes
Used someone?: yes im a manipulative person...well i hope not
Done something you regret?: that and someone

C U R R E N T

Clothes: sweats and a hoodie
Music: lucy pearl - good love
Annoyance: gangbang calls
Smell: incense
Desktop picture: bebop collage with romeo and juliet quotes
c.d in player: lucy pearl
DVD in player: monsters ball

L A S T | P E R S O N

You touched: i dont remember
Hugged: kim
You IMed: brian
You yelled at: brother
You kissed: secret

A R E | Y O U

Understanding: i think most of the time
Open-minded: well sometimes
Arrogant: sort of
Insecure: alittle
Random: somebody said i was
Smart: somebody said that too but i dont think so
Moody: rare occasions
Hard working: nope
Organized: hell no
Healthy: i dont think so anymore
Shy: depends on the people
Difficult: not really
Attractive: you decide
Bored easily: nah
Obsessed: with what
Angry: all the time
Sad: all the time
Happy: hardly
Hyper: no
Trusting: you can trust me

W H O | D O | Y O U | W A N N A

Kill?: i think putting that here would get me in trouble
Slap: same shit
Get really wasted with?: the FAM
Get high with: see above
Talk to offline: shutup
Talk to online: reno

R A N D O M

In the morning I: woke up
All you need is: money power respect
Love is: only in dreams, not true, fake, how else can i say it
I dream: of a good life
sexual preference: um vagina?
What do you notice first in the opposite sex?: eyes or smile

W H I C H | I S | B E T T E R

Coke or Pepsi: im taking a liking towards coke
Flowers or Candy?: candy
Tall or short: tall

W H O
Makes you laugh the most: alfred
Makes you smile: thug life
Gives you a funny feeling when you see him/her: thug life

D O | Y O U | E V E R

Sit on the internet all night waiting for that someone special to IM you?: no
Save conversations: if they say something i could embarass them with
Wish you were a member of the opposite sex ?: no
Wish you were younger: yes
Cried because someone said something to you?: rarely

N U M B E R

Of times I have had my heart broken: 2
Of hearts I have broken: whoever thinks i did
Of guys I've kissed: zero
Of girls I've kissed: i think thats kinda personal
Of CD's I own: id rather not count
Of scars on my body: all over arms
Of things that I regret: 1

Y O U R | T H O U G H T S

I know: more than you think
I want: to have peace
I have: nothing currently
I wish: i put more effort into my future
I hate: the world mostly
I fear: nothing
I hear: the tv
I search: for peace
I wonder: if i'm thought of

ah this means back to homework		  
     

(1 shot | bang)
 
   
11:27pm 21/11/2004
  Getting a lot of letters and brochures from colleges and such
Ah, so many questions to think about
I'm sure most of you can relate.

Boring weekend, well kinda.
went to a party and shit the other day and it was pretty fun
but eh, i'd rather stay home. something doesn't feel right anymore

its cold

i'm out of ideas now allow me to get a stog		  
     

(2 shot | bang)
 
   
10:05pm 24/10/2004
  This may sound crazy but sometimes I'd rather be back in there
I always say i hate the place and never want to be in there again but then i think

I wouldn't have to worry about getting those grades and being successful
I wouldn't have to provide for myself
and I don't think I'd have the depressions of living in general

but dying is a better escape

I always criticized people who had the "fuck the world" outlook but now I guess I'm understanding.
It makes me question the existence of God, even though I hate to admit it

I really am trying my hardest to not show my real feelings but I just lose heart when I think about it.
I want to talk but I can't bring myself to do it.
The feeling that no one understands you is the worst feeling ever

And the dreams don't help either, I get tricked into something good happens
then I wake up..
and then I realize what I felt wasn't real

and no i'm not suicidal, i'm just not enjoying anything anymore

and i'm amazed that i wrote something like this because I don't enjoy viewing these kinds of entries

and don't think i'm corny because i'm not being the "gangsta" that you know

"There you are with that look on your face, as if you're never hurt, as if you're never down"		  
     

(bang)
 
   
01:36am 17/10/2004
  just like that huh

my faith in you has gone astray		  
     

(bang)
 
   
05:58pm 11/10/2004
 
mood: happy
best weekend ever.

don't think i should type the details but heres a preview
- 2 hotel rooms
- drinks
- all your homies
- being with your favorite person

we're doing that again		  
     

(bang)
 
   
02:04pm 09/10/2004
  i got a rose on friday and throughout the day it withered away while everyone elses looked all nice and shit

is that a sign or what		  
     

(1 shot | bang)
 
=/   
05:08pm 06/10/2004
  happy birthday to me =/  
     

(5 shot | bang)
 
jax0red   
10:46pm 29/09/2004
 
mood: devious
yay bitches i have time to kill

*Have you ever*
1. Kissed your cousin: on the cheek
2. Ran away: sort of
3. Pictured your crush naked: uhh
4. *missing*
5. Broken someone's heart: dont care
6. Been in love: not with who you think
7. Cried when someone died: of course
8. Wanted someone you knew you couldn't have: yeah
9. Broken a bone: one of my knuckles from beating up somebody. jk
10. Lied: im sure you know this
11. Cried in school: no

*WHICH IS BETTER*
14. Girls or Guys: girls
15. Flowers or candy: candy
16. Scruff or Clean shaved: fuck i dont give a fuck cuz i love hip hop
19. Blondes or Brunettes: brunette
20. Bitchy or Slutty: bitchy
21. Tall or Short: depends
22. Pants or Shorts: depends

*WHAT IS (YOUR FAVORITE)*
23. Your Good Luck Charm: dog tag
24. Person You Hate Most: i'd rather not say
25. Best Thing That Has Happened: nothing too special
26. Color: bklue
27. Movie: i have a lot. no love ones...sorry
28. Subject in school: comp lit because i feel like a genius in that class
35. Juice: umm orange?
36. Cars: rx7, supras, skylines, race car shit
37. Food: no idea
41. Song: nuthin but a g thang

*DO YOU EVER*
50. Sit by the phone waiting for a phone call all night: uh depends on who..soo thats sometimes i guess
51. Save AOL conversations: if they say something funny
52. Save Emails: yeah
53. Wish you were someone else: yes
54. Wish you were a member of the opposite sex: no

*BEST*
55. Hairstyle: blah
56. Cologne: cool water
57. Perfume: " "
58. Kiss: one stands out in my mind

*HAVE YOU*
60. Kissed the same sex?: no
61. Fallen for your best friend?: wow what a question
62. Made out with JUST a friend?: yes
63. Been rejected?: yes
64. Been in love?: didnt i answer this
65. Been in lust?: uh yea
66. Used someone?: not intentionally
67. Been used: maybe
68. Cheated on someone?: no
69. Been cheated on?: nope
70. Been kissed: yes
71. Done something you regret?: yes, i regret a person

*THE LAST PERSON YOU*
72. You touched?: i forgot
73. You talked to?: jay
74. You hugged?: kim
75. You instant messaged?: cecilio
76. You kissed?: secret
77. You had sex with?: secret
78. You yelled at?: jester
80. Who broke your heart?: ...
81. Told you loved?: kit
82. Heard I love you From: kit

*OTHER INFO*
82. Color your hair?: i wanna color this shit red biatch
83. Have tattoos: i want one
84. Have piercings?: my ears
85. Have a boyfriend/girlfriend/both?: fjdskalgjkl
86. Own a webcam?: no
87. Own a thong?: uhhh no?
88. Ever get off of the damn computer?: of course
89. Sprechen Sie Deutsch?: Nein
90. Habla espanol?: fuck spanish
91. Quack?: kim you know what im thinking

*Have you/do you/are you*
92. Stolen anything?: thats kinda what got me in trouble
93. Smoke?: yea but its not as bad as it used to be
94. Schizophrenic?: no
95. Obsessive?: sometimes
96. Compulsive?: no
97. Obsessive compulsive?: i dont think so
98. Panic?: no
99. Anxiety?: no
100. Depressed?: everyday		  
     

(bang)
 
   
09:32pm 28/09/2004
 
mood: disappointed
I don't got nothing to do so I guess I'll write in this thing.

Lets see. On saturday I was at the house the whole day because Chad had a little party cause he turned 6.
uh....well that was my weekend summed into one sentence. how boring

I cut down a lot on the stogs, I can feel myself not dying anymore. lol.

Bought Stand by Me yesterday. Yay one of my favorite movies when I was a kid.

After I took CJ home today, me and Ryan saw this guy on a pocket bike fall down in front of us.
We were trying to hold in the laughter as we drove by him but once we passed him we laughed our asses off.
Ow my chest still hurts.

And on that touchy subject. I'm giving up

Also fuck school. and damn shoes are too expensive.

- 35 dopey...not		  
     

(1 shot | bang)
 
   
10:47pm 16/09/2004
  I don't need anyone.
Back to looking out for me and only me.		  
     

(2 shot | bang)
 
 
ant0n33x
 
 
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